The grass is always greener...

I am probably the happiest I have ever been in my life (which is saying alot), but...

Last weekend my friend from high school Heather K. came over on the ferry and spent most of the day with me. We had a really good time catching up. Hubby was working so we took the kids to the park, then had lunch downtown Bainbridge. But then I started thinking, what if I was single? What if I had made totally different choices in my life. Her life sounds so glamourous compared to mine. She is dating, has a great job, and goes out with the girls often. She gets to see concerts on weeknights (gasp!) and just do fun stuff. Hell, last night I fell asleep at 9pm while I was lying down with my kids to get them to sleep. That life is so incomprehensible especially when my kid pees on me (through the Pull-Up) while I am typing on my blog!

What if I had moved back to Seattle area after college? Would I be happy? Probably not. I would have had to move in with my parents and they would have driven me to insanity. (not that I am not already crazy, I just would have been really crazy then) Then I never would have had my kids or hubby. And even though sometimes I have hard days where I can't even take a shower (like today), I do love my little family.

I do need a day off once in a while and would love to go out drinking and dancing and sleep without little feet kicking me in the ribs.

Maybe this hedonistic consumer culture that I try to resist is worming its way into my brain. Wasn't it last week that I had to have that new washer and dryer? (I did need it though because it took an hour and forty minutes to dry six towels!) It is hard to keep happy in the "keeping up with the Joneses" suburbia mentality. I have friends that easily get sucked into "if only I had more money, I'd be happy" or "when I get a new house I will be happy." Its kind of sad, really. I just need to kick myself in the ass once in a while when I start thinking the "what ifs." I made my choices for a reason, damn it, and I don't want to live life with a bunch of regrets.

So, when I get tired of house cleaning and diaper changes I'll just live vicariously through my more worldly friends and be happy for them, but try not to short- change myself with a bunch of doubts.